It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
