I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
