Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
