toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
