last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
