I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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