just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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