I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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