You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
