Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
