You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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