Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
