party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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