Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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