I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize