just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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