When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
