some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
