I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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