i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
