Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
