you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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