why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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