Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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