oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
