Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
