the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
