My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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