my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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