am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
