i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
