Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize