don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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