Fuck appropriateness.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
