i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
