i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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