oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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