so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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