my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
