It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
