my sisters under your porch take her home
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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