apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
