You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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