can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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