I think my vagina is haunted
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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