i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
