I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
