You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize