The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
