he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
