I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
