i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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