Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
