we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
