dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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