tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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