my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
