You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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