Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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