This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
