it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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