I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize