i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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