Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
