Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.

Fav 27 922 3991
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(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky

Fav 17 4889 1486
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(210): View more from Texas

If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.

Fav 7 2783 1257
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.

Fav 2 626 1070
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.

Fav 2 938 580
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(630): View more from Illinois

In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional

Fav 6 542 302
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed

Fav 0 13 30
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