R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
