He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize