New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
