I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
