Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think a kid would responsible me up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
