So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize