mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
