So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i think i have two assholes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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