Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
