someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
