lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
