Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
