sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize