She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
