Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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