Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
