he was CRYING into my vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
