I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
