Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
