Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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