How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
