no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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