How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
