Will you blow on my dice?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
