It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We have started to decorate penises.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
