We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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