I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
