i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
