Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
