What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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