the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
