the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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