guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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