When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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