why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was like eating out sand paper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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