Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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