i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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